So we’re in Paris making a record.
1: We’ve finished recording all the drums, spades and bells for 13 songs. Today we do guitars, bravely disregarding the Guardian’s sound advice. 2: We have to poo in a hole here, which is a terrible combination with the triple powered expresso machine. 3: Indochine just came down to see us in the studio (as in the super huge French band). They might be remixing some of the hits. 4: Recurring themes in the 13 songs are children and holes. 5: Anne-Sophie (our superhuman Parisian sound engineer) has been playing all the hard bits of guitar and singing French backing vocals. 6: When we’re not in this hot red box of noise we’ve mainly been driving round Paris drunk listening to Depeche Mode and watching fIlms about Paris. 7: Tomorrow we’re going to record some drums and a recorder 5 floors underground in a multi-story car park.8: The studio has huge reflective glass windows so we spend a lot of time watching a lot of people checking out the size of their own bottoms. 9: This record is powered by Lion bar cereal, the best French delicacy in all the world. 10: The gig on Friday at L’international was astoundingly good. The rider was made of Mojitos and we got injuries as a result - I smashed my bass into my head and there was a lot of blood going on on stage. It’s our favourite place. 11: Charlotte Gainsbourg lives next door to us. 12: An idiot crashed into the side of our van, what the hell. How much space do drivers need. 13: We’re learning which inanimate objects in France are male or female - my guitar is a female and so is a baguette. A floor tile is a man. I envy the job of deciding whether new objects are boys or girls and working out the procedures and checks that must happen. 14: We’re migrating to Paris, au revoir Londres. 15: On Thursday we go to Slovakia.